![]() ![]() You wouldn’t find Hitler playing jungle music at three o’clock in the morning.” Who would he be like? Hitler or one of those mad fellas.” Ted: “Oh, worse than Hitler. Ted: “He’s not a very nice man, is he?” Dougal: “God, Ted I’ve never met anyone like him anyway. Can you see him there? Ready to do the business?”įather Jack (After sobering up, pointing at various items in the room): “Chair! Curtains! Floor! (points at Father Ted) Gobsh*te!” God, when you think of it it’s a dirty, filthy thing, isn’t it Father? Can you imagine Father? Can you imagine Father, looking up at your husband, and him standing over you with his lad in his hand, wanting you to degrade yourself? God almighty can you imagine that Father? Can you picture it there Father? Oh, get a good mental picture of it. ![]() God, I’m glad I never think of that type of thing Father. Mrs Doyle (While Ted is trying to eat a sausage): “They were a bit obsessed with the old… S-E-X. What time is it now?”ĭougal: “Half one?! And the competition is on in…” In fact sometimes I think I’m going to turn into a big giant egg.” Ted: “I think that process has already begun.”ĭougal: “Oh god, yeah. What you have is a record.”ĭougal: “I love egg. Oh, and Dougal, you need more than one record for a collection. Ted: “Okay, here it is (passes over a single record). Ted: “Would you like your pizza cut into six or eight slices Dougal?”ĭougal: “Oh just six, I don’t think I could eat eight.”Ĭolm: “I hear you’re a racist now, Father?”ĭougal: “Ted, could you pass me my record collection?” That’s Catholicism you’re talking about there.” Everyone dressing in black and saying our Lord’s going to come back and judge us all.” Ted: “No… no Dougal, that’s us. He said, ‘don’t ever…’ no, wait, it was, ‘always…’ no er, ‘never, never’ – oh wait now, I’ve forgotten.”ĭougal: “God Ted, I’ve heard about those cults. Now this refers not only to lagging, but all forms of insulation. That’s when our Lord got a few bits of food together and made lots of food, and everyone had dinner.” (Photo: Channel 4)įather Purcell (the most boring priest in the world): “This is a piece of advice my father gave to me. Chewing gum for the eyes!”įather Dougal: “Oh, no thanks Ted, I’ve got these crisps here.”ĭougal: “That’s nearly as mad as that thing you told me about the loaves and fishes!” Ted: “No Dougal, that wasn’t mad. Ted: “Come on, Dougal, switch the television off. There is always time for a nice cup of tea! Didn’t our Lord Himself on the cross pause for a nice cup of tea before giving Himself up for the world?” Mrs Doyle: “It doesn’t matter what day it is, Father. Sergeant Deegan: “Ah, no no, I mean, you know, the films.” Sergeant Deegan: “God, this reminds me of Vietnam.” Ted: “Down with this sort of thing!” Dougal: “Careful now!” ![]() They get to that age and they don’t need the operator anymore. Ted: “Old women are closer to God than we’ll ever be. ![]()
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